The Times They Are A-Changin'

Some people would do well to listen to these words...


And these...

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

There's A Place

There's a place online I can go where 'The Tick' and 'it's friends' don't go, I believe thus far they don't even know about it, a safe place for disabled people where I am welcomed and they aren't, should they find it and intrude upon it I have been told they wil be summarily uprooted. Its a safe haven for me from the mess which has been very useful to me and my saving grace at times. It helps me to take my mind off the mess and to regain my much needed sense of humor to be able to cope, and I am grateful to it. While it certainly has seemed that way at times, the bad guys don't in fact 'own' or monopolize the entire internet. I am finding that out and its nice. There are places I can go and I have found one and so, this blog entry's for you guys, thank you.

Happy Birthday To Me

I turned 43 today.
My friend John took me out to our usual place we go (we have only two) where I was offered a free dessert for my birthday.
We are 'regulars' there and most of the employees know us, but today a substitute manager (John recognized him from the other restaurant of this same franchise that exists 'across town' from this one) and so he tried to place us at a non regular table and was consequently quite confused when I got up and took our menus to one of our regular tables (both of which had been open).
Within minutes a group of Six (six count 'em sicx) teen-to-early 20'sish kids came in and the tubby substitute manager, ignoring the sea of empty tables around us, opted to pack these 6 people into the booth right behind my friend John and I. All Six wanted shakes so that meant the excessive running of the shake grinding machine (whatever that thing is, it sounds like a drill in a dentist's office and seems to be required for certain kinds of ice cream drinks served at this restaurant, one of its few real drawbacks) and between the 'teeth grinder in the back' and the excessively loud jabber jaws happy hyper high voiced bunch behind us (to their credit I must say that even as all this was taking place I was able to recognize no animosity was intended, this is just how overly social overly verbal young happy people go at expressing it without an awareness in the world that others may not be in the same place to 'appreciate' their behavior the way that they do), and I was already struggling to behave. I think frankly I do a damned good job of behaving, really. I do. I work hard at it and the work pays off much more often than it doesn't and I do very well, but there are exceptions and times.. and about the time my friend John informed me that Michigan is about to close.. I mean really.. the whole state.. close.. this place we live and that I love, I am not shy about it.. really is starving, worse than I even realized (I very rarely watch TV).. thats about the time I began making loud grunting moaning and rocking extremely hard and really 'spazzing'...



I don't make a practice of expounding on 'just how autistic I am' in my blogs or elsewhere, but yeah, I suppose being autistic 'comes into play'; here enough and its relevant at least, to what happened next.

I distinctly heard one of those at the table behind us say in a lowered voice (as if being 2 inches from the back of my head would somehow not emable me to hear this at any volume even if I only possessed the 'normal people's range and ability in hearing) "She's autistic, I've seen her on the web" as I heard what I would describe as a 'missed beat' and an extended silence beyond that in conversational 'rythm' from them, followed by a few minutes of what seemed to me to be perhaps concentrated effort to 'keep it down' a bit for a few minutes before wandering back to their previous level of 'Celebrating the Joy of Normalcy" back there, I sat with hands clapped to my ears, tried to be quiet enough not to be told 'shhh' by my friend John, tried not to rock too hard, sipped on my birthday "Orange Freeze" agonized that the Beatles song that had just come on the satellite system was all but obliterated, thought about my starving state, a few thoughts chucked in for my happy fame and fortune gleaning autism leech stalker and what may come of this situation, and simultaneously tried to behave (and people say we don't multi task). I got almost half of the Orange Freeze drank before it was time to leave.Behavior self control on both sides (theirs as well as mine) broke down, however compassion and empathy and some sort of understanding, which was mutual, did not.
Suffice it to say it wasn't an all bad day or all bad experience.

Regarding and as far as the the parts of life and the people that suck and continue to cause said sucking at this time):

While not from a religion I 'subscribe' to, there are some wise words to be found everywhere, including in this one, a popular (but alas not as popular as The Beatles according to John Lennon) couple of quotables, here are two I find especially meaningful and useful lately:

1. (unknown passage/verse):

"This too Shall Pass"

2. Verbatim "milage may vary' depending on the 'flavor' you're reading it from):

"Let not your heart be afraid, peace I give, not as the world giveth, give I" (John 14:28

Rock on, Michigan, Rock on, me.

The Fool On The Hill

Day after day
alone on a hill
the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still
but nobody wants to know him
they can see that he's just a fool
and he never gives an answer
but the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round.

Well on the way
head in a cloud
the man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud
but nobody ever hears him
or the sound he appears to make
and he never seems to notice
but the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round

And nobody seems to like him
they can tell what he wants to do
and he never shows his feelings
but the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round

oah oohoohoohoooh oooh oh oh
Round and round and round and round and round

He never listens to them
he knows that they're the fool
they don't like him
the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round
oooh round and round and round and round ooooooh

I'm Still Standing

You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Random Zoomy City Stuff

Learning to use my new camera and also showing a little of what summer in the city I live in is like on a typical day.

New Thing

This is a New Thing I have.
I am quite happy to have it, however I am having the New Thing Blues.
New Thing sits on my desk while I do a lot of 'stimming' (stuff to de-stress or relax or whatever, biting my hands flapping my hands and fingers rocking real hard and looking at all the parts of the New Thing after I got them out of the box and lined up and used to their being here and trying to think about assemblage of them).
New Thing is a JVC GZ-MG21U digital Camera.
I got as far as lining the parts on the desk and got the lens cap sort of hooked to the camera but not sure its done RIGHT and then there are those bead-like sort of cord weights and instructions I can't quite read due to being just a little too legally blind to do so so I'm going to sit here and flap and rock and generally look silly because I'm perfectionistic or whatever enough and its a New Thing afterall that it has to sit there and I have to do this and that's just the way it is and then eventually I will have this neato nifty camera I can really use, but for just now its a bunch of parts lined on my desk and I'm looking pretty silly at them out of the corner of my eye.

I am not meaning to complain I am really not complaining I am happy to have this camera and will be even much happier about having it later and I know it, I am happy about it right now, its that just parts of me don know it just not right now (because this is the New Thing Blues).

Some BadGuys

"I'm not talking about the kind of clothes she wears
Look at that stupid girl
I'm not talking about the way she combs her hair
Look at that stupid girl

The way she powders her nose
Her vanity shows and it shows
She's the worst thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid girl

I'm not talking about the way she digs for gold
Look at that stupid girl
Well, I'm talking about the way she grabs and holds
Look at that stupid girl

The way she talks about someone else
That she don't even know herself
She's the sickest thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid girl

Well, I'm sick and tired
And I really have my doubts
I've tried and tried
But it never really works out

Like a lady in waiting to a virgin queen
Look at that stupid girl
She bitches 'bout things that she's never seen
Look at that stupid girl

It doesn't matter if she dyes her hair
Or the color of the shoes she wears
She's the worst thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid girl

Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up
Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up
Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up

Like a lady in waiting to a virgin queen
Look at that stupid girl
She bitches 'bout things that she's never seen
Look at that stupid girl

She purrs like a pussycat
Then she turns 'round and hisses back
She's the sickest thing in this world
Look at that stupid girl"


"Stupid Girl," by The Rolling Stones,
(Jagger? album "AfterMath"?)

(In the British music Invasion
The Beatles were called the GoodGuys" and
The Rolling Stones were called the "BadGuys")

Oh NillyWilly BooHoo

I am height disabled.

My height-functioning-level is that of a 12 year old's.

If I had the height of a 2 year old,
I would be severely height-handicapped. (*gasp*)

Trying to sort things

Okay, I'm trying to sort things.

I'll try to sort and list what I have in mind:

I guess so far this blog, my Safe Space will be reserved for just talking, diary things, should in fact be my safe space, if that's still at all possible like it once was.

This wil be the place where maybe I can come and say something about the more current past, as in the recent week or the very day I am writing on, can say things like

"I am really all peopled out today" or things like that, that'd be here.


The Orignal I think is where I hope to start sorting my history, my stuff for the book about myself that has to be written.
Alot of that sort of stuff is here to start with, but of course I had no idea and no way of knowing the events that would take place and stuff I'd become aware of etc., making my teenytiny little background startup (and then a few frustrated driven attempts at more of my history) here in my safe space necessary, or so ineffective,so hopefully having a space just for the other will work.

I also have another one called 'Ugly Stuff" and I really don't know if I am going to keep that one or what.. its all part of my history and definately some of that has 'shaped me' or whatever it is that I have been getting instruction in terms of what needs to go into a biography, but its stuff I don't talk about, bad stuff.
I just dont' know what to do there about that stuff or how to deal with it and that section just for bad stuff may end up going away. I jumped right in with typing some of the worst of it, its been rolling around in my mind when I think of trying to write about institutions, places I have been, the differences between them, staff in them etc. I will have to expose and admit just how disabled I really am to do this and that's hard too, as hard as admitting some of the realy bad stuff that happened.
I have a few core beliefs about things including 'don't hang a target on your back' and people who make a fuss about how 'angry' I seem don't have a clue what's propelling tht 'anger' or what that's all about and I'm not real eager to show my vulnerabilities in a world where I've learned that's a very, very, bad thing to do.
Maybe I can figure something out.

I have one just to keep my call for help up at its top. Addressing The problem has its own section now, hoping people can see and go right to that then.


For now
I really am all people/cerebralled out
(too much reading emails, reading websites, auditory playback in my mind of what people have said even can do this even when I've actually been entirely alone awhile)
I really do need to sit quietly and hold my toys
$1.06 of happiness = 5 little 'hotwheel sized' cars all for one dollar
(plus state sales tax.)

Nicknames

I was also nicknamed Bird and Canary and Budgie (by my father, my grandfather on his side and friends of my father) because I was always too small for my age and the way I moved and flapped my hands and looked at things from the sides of my eyes and acted 'like a bird' or 'birdlike' and my father and I also have this unusual thing where birds are not afraid of us, will land on us, and I can pick up eggs and put them back in a nest and the mother bird still cares for them.