"There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall - think of it, always." -- Mahatma Gandhi

Sunday, December 03, 2006

* Resemblence of other persons to me is purely NOT coincidental

There is a very word-capable and very slick and savvy individual on the Internet who's evidently for some time prior to my being aware of their existence, been aware of mine and has been procuring various bits of data/info about me as they could from various sources (people who knew me and interacted with me even many years before that this person has since met etc) on the Internet for however long they've been online and doing this, of the 12 years that I have online.
This person is unabashedly using whatever of aspects of me they find to their liking of my own life's experiences, my abilities, etc as they see fit and finds desirous and claims them for their very own, as if they are theirs, happened to this person, etc.
Its very disturbing, and its done in a very convincing manner, (so much so that I was listening to smooth-talking explanations and going along with this to the best of my ability and trying to accept seeing substantial aspects of me and my life parroted back to me as actual and true and legitimate, just as this person insisted it was/is).
I only learned of this person's existence a relatively short time ago. I was so thrilled to find what I thought was someone like me, a person with Kanner's autism who was online, the idea that there really was another person and I was actually not alone out here, that I wholeheartedly and excitedly embraced this person as a friend and vowed to myself to make this friendship work, no matter what.
"No matter what" ended up including whatever soothing global explanations this person gave for why I was seeing major parts of my life parroted back to me and in increasing doses as we went along, and how my reaction to it is 'my problem' especially given as I've had more minor peculiar behaviors from others (mentally unbalanced but usually considerably more intellectually impaired, as this person is very bright). I listened and allowed this person to make me feel ridiculous for my natural response at each increasing encroachment into my very personal existence.
I thought I had a friend, I thought I had actually met 'someone like me" as far as having Kanner's Syndrome Autism. I tried very hard to work around this rather blatant and creepy identity-theft in my desire to get along and my ache for this person to be real. I wanted that badly just to not be alone out here.
It angers and upsets and scares me, but most of all it really hurts.
If my being autistic actually has anything to do with this (besides being the attraction that drew this situation), maybe its that I am at a real disadvantage to defend myself against or deal with a thing like this, possibly due to actually being autistic (or then again, maybe most people would just not be well-equipped against this sort of thing and its not 'just me' who knows?).
This person is exceptional at using words so they can sway and convince, very convincing with things like YouTube efforts, and this person has directly threatened to be even more exacting in their imitation of me on their own web page as well as on YouTube in the future.
I've only been at YouTube myself for about a week and ironically I'm even there because this 'friend' inspired me with their 'chutzpah' and 'bravery' at being there already). Why couldn't this person have been real? And if not, then why couldn't they have at least curbed the urge to try to assimilate MY life into their massive story at least when dealing directly with me? Who IS this person even? Now I have to wonder: where ANY parts of this person not directly procured from me come from. Is this person real at all?.. Were they real at all or were the 'non-me' parts just snatches of other people, collected from like unsuspecting-but-interesting autistic targets? I feel sad, because I'm thinking the entire thing, the entire person, 'documents' and all, this was just one hugely extravagant 'work.' This person is good at what they do. This person made me believe they have the same disability I do. That's not easy to accomplish.
Given this was taking place long before this person was on my radar (but I was clearly on theirs) I don't see ignoring them as motivating them to stop, and also because this person has repeatedly indicated and quite clearly along with the justifications, that they will not stop. I am severing any contact I have with this person.
At least I don't have to watch. I can reduce the impact this has on me that way at least. I will still know now that there is this person out there doing this thing regardless of what I do, and it will bother me, and I wish like anything I could go back and "unknow' this person and what they are doing. In time this direct encounter, the whole sharp jab of it all, will subside, and become something more tolerable when this is thought of (which it will be thought of less as time goes on too). I'll survive, *and* when I do, I will still be me, the one and only me.

Goodbye to you, Imposter Person -- "see ya wouldn't wanna be ya" (Too bad the feeling isn't mutual!)

EDIT - for someone who 'isn't stalking' and is leaving me alone, its interesting to note that she's gone out of her way to link her page to mine. Regarding emailing and contact, she offered up an agreement to me in email (complete with more insistence at what she does) when I responded that I thought the idea (basically keeping personal matters out of our dialogues that the matter would be dropped, and having a relationship strictly for 'public/business' reasons), she about faced and sent me two enraged emails. I glanced at the first, discarded the second and replied that she needn't ever contact me again under any circumstances, and to point blank GO AWAY (that being the topic of the email to her second email (unopened by me). How can I possibly get any clearer than that?

I also find it not surprising that she's written as if this were about just two general topics (Beatles and typewriters) rather than the full scope and plethora of exacting aspects of my life she's been all too eager to pull her 'me too" carbon copy commandeering on. She's done a 'nice job' of entirely rewriting and basically omitting the issue and facts. Her friend and neighbor had already illegally copyrighted something I wrote without my knowledge or permission. At the time though it was upsetting I settled for an acknowledgment of my authorship being added to the page, rather than a full-blown copyright battle. I'm regretting that now and wondering if that's part of what's set the stage for the brazen attempts to plagiarize my life now. Just goes to snow what kind of people these are.

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever where she's even dreamt up things like 'being short constitutes being impostor.' That sort of thing is just par for the course in her extreme maladaptation of what she's actually indicated to me elsewhere. If the situation were as she expressed in her 'rebuttal,' of course there would be, of course, no problem. What she has posted is ridiculous and not at all what's been taken place, not the issue nor was it ever.
Perhaps a good thing to come of this page-linking she's done is that if she does attempt any of further of the blatant infringements exacting copies of my life that actually are the issue, now she herself has drawn notice to those very acts.

(UPDATE - her little 'commentary' as well as her links to my blog have been removed)

PS, and no, people with autism are not cut of the same cloth and yes, we are obviously quite unique from one another, just as are any other individuals, I shouldn't think anything so obvious could even be up for debate. Just because she's managed to latch onto and emulated and claimed some aspects of each autistic she's ever encountered, this hardly stands as evidence of our 'being not unique. It is only indicative of her particular problem (assemblage of a personality built from bits of others) and reflects only her lack of even the most basic understanding of people with autism. Just because she's actively assimilating us into her borg in her world doesn't mean we are. I'm also not the only one who's observed and/or experienced this "I've had every experience anyone has ever had' type of behavior and response from her, or to have found it very creepy, repelling and very suspect.