The Fool On The Hill

Day after day
alone on a hill
the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still
but nobody wants to know him
they can see that he's just a fool
and he never gives an answer
but the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round.

Well on the way
head in a cloud
the man of a thousand voices talking perfectly loud
but nobody ever hears him
or the sound he appears to make
and he never seems to notice
but the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round

And nobody seems to like him
they can tell what he wants to do
and he never shows his feelings
but the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round

oah oohoohoohoooh oooh oh oh
Round and round and round and round and round

He never listens to them
he knows that they're the fool
they don't like him
the fool on the hill
sees the sun going down
and the eyes in his head
see the world spinning 'round
oooh round and round and round and round ooooooh

I'm Still Standing

You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Random Zoomy City Stuff

Learning to use my new camera and also showing a little of what summer in the city I live in is like on a typical day.

New Thing

This is a New Thing I have.
I am quite happy to have it, however I am having the New Thing Blues.
New Thing sits on my desk while I do a lot of 'stimming' (stuff to de-stress or relax or whatever, biting my hands flapping my hands and fingers rocking real hard and looking at all the parts of the New Thing after I got them out of the box and lined up and used to their being here and trying to think about assemblage of them).
New Thing is a JVC GZ-MG21U digital Camera.
I got as far as lining the parts on the desk and got the lens cap sort of hooked to the camera but not sure its done RIGHT and then there are those bead-like sort of cord weights and instructions I can't quite read due to being just a little too legally blind to do so so I'm going to sit here and flap and rock and generally look silly because I'm perfectionistic or whatever enough and its a New Thing afterall that it has to sit there and I have to do this and that's just the way it is and then eventually I will have this neato nifty camera I can really use, but for just now its a bunch of parts lined on my desk and I'm looking pretty silly at them out of the corner of my eye.

I am not meaning to complain I am really not complaining I am happy to have this camera and will be even much happier about having it later and I know it, I am happy about it right now, its that just parts of me don know it just not right now (because this is the New Thing Blues).

Some BadGuys

"I'm not talking about the kind of clothes she wears
Look at that stupid girl
I'm not talking about the way she combs her hair
Look at that stupid girl

The way she powders her nose
Her vanity shows and it shows
She's the worst thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid girl

I'm not talking about the way she digs for gold
Look at that stupid girl
Well, I'm talking about the way she grabs and holds
Look at that stupid girl

The way she talks about someone else
That she don't even know herself
She's the sickest thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid girl

Well, I'm sick and tired
And I really have my doubts
I've tried and tried
But it never really works out

Like a lady in waiting to a virgin queen
Look at that stupid girl
She bitches 'bout things that she's never seen
Look at that stupid girl

It doesn't matter if she dyes her hair
Or the color of the shoes she wears
She's the worst thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid girl

Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up
Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up
Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up

Like a lady in waiting to a virgin queen
Look at that stupid girl
She bitches 'bout things that she's never seen
Look at that stupid girl

She purrs like a pussycat
Then she turns 'round and hisses back
She's the sickest thing in this world
Look at that stupid girl"


"Stupid Girl," by The Rolling Stones,
(Jagger? album "AfterMath"?)

(In the British music Invasion
The Beatles were called the GoodGuys" and
The Rolling Stones were called the "BadGuys")

Oh NillyWilly BooHoo

I am height disabled.

My height-functioning-level is that of a 12 year old's.

If I had the height of a 2 year old,
I would be severely height-handicapped. (*gasp*)

Trying to sort things

Okay, I'm trying to sort things.

I'll try to sort and list what I have in mind:

I guess so far this blog, my Safe Space will be reserved for just talking, diary things, should in fact be my safe space, if that's still at all possible like it once was.

This wil be the place where maybe I can come and say something about the more current past, as in the recent week or the very day I am writing on, can say things like

"I am really all peopled out today" or things like that, that'd be here.


The Orignal I think is where I hope to start sorting my history, my stuff for the book about myself that has to be written.
Alot of that sort of stuff is here to start with, but of course I had no idea and no way of knowing the events that would take place and stuff I'd become aware of etc., making my teenytiny little background startup (and then a few frustrated driven attempts at more of my history) here in my safe space necessary, or so ineffective,so hopefully having a space just for the other will work.

I also have another one called 'Ugly Stuff" and I really don't know if I am going to keep that one or what.. its all part of my history and definately some of that has 'shaped me' or whatever it is that I have been getting instruction in terms of what needs to go into a biography, but its stuff I don't talk about, bad stuff.
I just dont' know what to do there about that stuff or how to deal with it and that section just for bad stuff may end up going away. I jumped right in with typing some of the worst of it, its been rolling around in my mind when I think of trying to write about institutions, places I have been, the differences between them, staff in them etc. I will have to expose and admit just how disabled I really am to do this and that's hard too, as hard as admitting some of the realy bad stuff that happened.
I have a few core beliefs about things including 'don't hang a target on your back' and people who make a fuss about how 'angry' I seem don't have a clue what's propelling tht 'anger' or what that's all about and I'm not real eager to show my vulnerabilities in a world where I've learned that's a very, very, bad thing to do.
Maybe I can figure something out.

I have one just to keep my call for help up at its top. Addressing The problem has its own section now, hoping people can see and go right to that then.


For now
I really am all people/cerebralled out
(too much reading emails, reading websites, auditory playback in my mind of what people have said even can do this even when I've actually been entirely alone awhile)
I really do need to sit quietly and hold my toys
$1.06 of happiness = 5 little 'hotwheel sized' cars all for one dollar
(plus state sales tax.)