"There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall - think of it, always." -- Mahatma Gandhi

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Happy Birthday To Me

I turned 43 today.
My friend John took me out to our usual place we go (we have only two) where I was offered a free dessert for my birthday.
We are 'regulars' there and most of the employees know us, but today a substitute manager (John recognized him from the other restaurant of this same franchise that exists 'across town' from this one) and so he tried to place us at a non regular table and was consequently quite confused when I got up and took our menus to one of our regular tables (both of which had been open).
Within minutes a group of Six (six count 'em sicx) teen-to-early 20'sish kids came in and the tubby substitute manager, ignoring the sea of empty tables around us, opted to pack these 6 people into the booth right behind my friend John and I. All Six wanted shakes so that meant the excessive running of the shake grinding machine (whatever that thing is, it sounds like a drill in a dentist's office and seems to be required for certain kinds of ice cream drinks served at this restaurant, one of its few real drawbacks) and between the 'teeth grinder in the back' and the excessively loud jabber jaws happy hyper high voiced bunch behind us (to their credit I must say that even as all this was taking place I was able to recognize no animosity was intended, this is just how overly social overly verbal young happy people go at expressing it without an awareness in the world that others may not be in the same place to 'appreciate' their behavior the way that they do), and I was already struggling to behave. I think frankly I do a damned good job of behaving, really. I do. I work hard at it and the work pays off much more often than it doesn't and I do very well, but there are exceptions and times.. and about the time my friend John informed me that Michigan is about to close.. I mean really.. the whole state.. close.. this place we live and that I love, I am not shy about it.. really is starving, worse than I even realized (I very rarely watch TV).. thats about the time I began making loud grunting moaning and rocking extremely hard and really 'spazzing'...

I don't make a practice of expounding on 'just how autistic I am' in my blogs or elsewhere, but yeah, I suppose being autistic 'comes into play'; here enough and its relevant at least, to what happened next.

I distinctly heard one of those at the table behind us say in a lowered voice (as if being 2 inches from the back of my head would somehow not emable me to hear this at any volume even if I only possessed the 'normal people's range and ability in hearing) "She's autistic, I've seen her on the web" as I heard what I would describe as a 'missed beat' and an extended silence beyond that in conversational 'rythm' from them, followed by a few minutes of what seemed to me to be perhaps concentrated effort to 'keep it down' a bit for a few minutes before wandering back to their previous level of 'Celebrating the Joy of Normalcy" back there, I sat with hands clapped to my ears, tried to be quiet enough not to be told 'shhh' by my friend John, tried not to rock too hard, sipped on my birthday "Orange Freeze" agonized that the Beatles song that had just come on the satellite system was all but obliterated, thought about my starving state, a few thoughts chucked in for my happy fame and fortune gleaning autism leech stalker and what may come of this situation, and simultaneously tried to behave (and people say we don't multi task). I got almost half of the Orange Freeze drank before it was time to leave.Behavior self control on both sides (theirs as well as mine) broke down, however compassion and empathy and some sort of understanding, which was mutual, did not.
Suffice it to say it wasn't an all bad day or all bad experience.

Regarding and as far as the the parts of life and the people that suck and continue to cause said sucking at this time):

While not from a religion I 'subscribe' to, there are some wise words to be found everywhere, including in this one, a popular (but alas not as popular as The Beatles according to John Lennon) couple of quotables, here are two I find especially meaningful and useful lately:

1. (unknown passage/verse):

"This too Shall Pass"

2. Verbatim "milage may vary' depending on the 'flavor' you're reading it from):

"Let not your heart be afraid, peace I give, not as the world giveth, give I" (John 14:28

Rock on, Michigan, Rock on, me.